I’ve always liked stories so I wasn’t surprised to discover that some of my favourite classes when I was studying for my Sociology degree were anthropology and ethnography, nor that later on my surveys required collecting qualitative rather than quantitative data. So I was obviously entranced when I received an adults’ book full of stories.
Why read Women Who Run With the Wolves?
“Even in the best of worlds the soul needs refurbishing from time to time” says Clarissa, and this is exactly what she does with this book, enables the woman to become re-acquainted with our instincts, to remind us of the Wild Woman Archetype, of our old selves, of whom we seem to have forgotten.
Through stories, some of which are well know, like The Ugly Duckling, Baba Yaga, Vasalisa the Wise or La Llorona, and some of which are less know, like The Crescent Moon Bear, Coyote Dick or La Mariposa, Clarissa takes us on a journey of re-discovery of oneself, of our inner Wild Woman.
Now insistent in one’s own tempo, to be self-conscious, to be away from one’s God or Gods, to be separated from one’s revivification, drawn far into domesticity, intellectualism, work, or inertia because that is the safest place for one who has lost her instincts. – Introduction, p. 10
Get a feel of the book…
We live in a fast paced society, where it is so easy to forget not only who we are, but what we want, what our dreams and aspirations are. Maybe we haven’t even given it enough thought and we don’t know what we want or who we want to be, and still we are busily filling our days, weeks, months and years with activities which may be further from what we were meant to do than we could ever imagine. The only way to return to the initial purpose, to the core reason for us being here in the first place, Clarissa says, it is to listen to our intuition, to our gut feelings, to our hunches.
When we are connected to the instinctual self, to the soul of the feminine which is natural and wild, then instead of looking over whatever happens to be on display, we say to ourselves, ‘What am I hungry for?’ Without looking at anything outwardly, we venture inward. […] To choose just because something mouth-watering stand before you will never satisfy the hunger of the soul-Self. And that is what intuition is for; it is the direct messenger of the soul. – Vasalisa the Wise, p. 117
It is because we don’t know who we are and where we strive to go, that we take up any seemingly “mouth-watering” choices, anything that sounds good enough, only to be disappointed at a later stage and find ourselves making another “mouth-watering” choice. And we know, deep inside, that the pattern continues, that we’re not going to be happy, and we keep going with the illusion that maybe , just maybe, we might be wrong this time, we might have actually found what we’ve been looking for. The trouble is, if we don’t know what we’re looking for, how would we recognise it?
… a naive woman keeps making poor choices in a mate (or any other aspect of our lives). Somewhere in her mind she knows this pattern is fruitless, that she should stop and follow a different value. She often even knows how to proceed. But there is something compelling, a sort of Bluebeardian mesmerisation, about continuing the destructive pattern. In most cases, the woman feels if she just holds on to the old pattern a little longer, why surely the paradisical feeling she seeks will appear in the next heartbeat. – Bluebeard, p. 49
And it’s not just about making the right choice, it’s also about making the right choice which is also accepted by society. The less freedom a woman has, the less choices she’ll have, and the more crippled the Wild Woman inside her will be. Judgements are passed on, on choices, looks, financial situation, beliefs etc… which all hinder her inner self, her free spirit, her freedom.
When culture narrowly defines what constitutes success or desirable perfection in anything – looks, height, strength, form, acquisitive power, economics, manliness, womanliness, good children, good behaviour, religious beliefs – than corresponding mandates to measure oneself against these criteria are introjected into the psyches of all the members of that culture. So the issues of the exiled woman are usually twofold: inner and personal, and outer and cultural. – The Ugly Duckling, p. 185
Have you heard that saying, “not everything the bull is allowed, the calf is allowed”? Or the other one, “some people are more equal than others” (George Orwell, Animal Farm). When a society discriminates against women and favour men (or the other way around, if you wish), it not only stops the Wild Woman to come out, it allows and sometimes even praises the man who wrongs the woman.
Some of these acts, events and choices, particularly those related to women’s freedom in any and all areas of life, were often held out by the culture as being shamefully wrong for women, but not for men. The problem of secret stories surrounded by shame is that they cut a woman off from her instinctive nature, which is in the main, joyous and free. – The Woman with Hair of Gold, p. 405
What I loved about Women Who Run With the Wolves
What I really love about the book is the way Clarissa constructs her narrative, her argument. She’s like a lawyer creating the closing argument of a trial, where the offender is today’s woman, young, cold, self-conscious, ashamed, heartless and fearless on the surface; subdued, confused, disappointed and purposeless on the inside. The victim is the Wild Woman, the Woman’s Archetype, a hag as old as time and even older than that, who’s only interest is to bring the accused to consciousness, to wake her up and help her become aware of the amazing woman she is, of the power she has, of the soul-self that, if allowed to expand, would change everything.
And for each argument she brings, Clarissa has one or more stories; she tells each of them with a simplicity to envy, only to unpack them to the minor of details. Who could have correlated The Ugly Duckling with a woman’s shame and inability to accept sincere compliments, that her view of herself are everything but the swan she actually is?
Each story has its special place in the book, a step in the journey of the woman, any woman. The questions, the explanations, the train of thought, gets to any woman and the understanding of it happens on two levels: first, there’s that ‘Oh shit, this makes so much sense!‘ and then there’s the relating with the heroine in the story, the moment we realise that’s us, and that’s what’s tarnishing our souls!
On the flip side…
Some of the strengths of this book are also its weaknesses: this is not an easy read after a long day in a 9-5. The detail to which Clarissa unpacks the stories, the way she constructs her arguments, the heaviness of each phrase and the necessity or requirement to ponder on it; make this a read better suited for lazy and lonely Sundays, with a glass of wine.
Women Who Run With the Wolves – Side Effects
It is one thing to ignore your wrong-doings towards yourself and another thing to admit to yourself that you’re ignoring your wrong-doings towards yourself. Reading this book gets you to admit what’s wrong, it gets you to soul-search, wonder, question and reconsider your choices. When you close the book, doing nothing is more painful than ever, and therefore doing something becomes the only option.
Clarisa Pinkola Estés is an American writer, post-trauma recovery specialist and psychoanalyst with Eastern European, North and South American roots, sharing stories, old and new, from Mexico all the way to Hungary. This book will speak to your heart, wherever you come from.
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